Gasp ... the horror of it

I missed a day of writing and actually this bothers me somewhat. Yesterday was the day of hecticness and slowness - contradictory in and of itself.

I started the day in a hotel in the city with my best friend. It was a lovely way to begin Tuesday - a girl's break away. We had been joined by my daughter and niece. There is nothing like taking a mini vacation from your life - just for a moment you get to catch your breath and catch up. Wonderful.

How quickly the vacation ends and reality strikes. The girls were tired and grumpy by lunch time (got to love teenagers). I returned home to prepare the oldest child for a trip to America which seemed to require me to wash, pack and organise everything. He joked as I drove him to the airport this morning (at 4:00am which is motherly love at it's best) that he wouldn't actually be able to tell the nice customs man that he knew what was in his bags because he didn't pack them himself. So it was rush, rush and rush a bit more which meant I didn't get near the computer for any purpose except to organise the last elements of his journey. So that's that and now I'm at today making sure I write something.

My daughter started her own blog yesterday - she is very clever that one, often too clever for her own good as my grandmother would have said. It is very cool and I hope she enjoys sharing her thoughts. It is interesting though that I felt the need to ensure she is careful about what she writes and what she shares - she is nearly an adult but she is still my child who needs protecting from the world.

We never seem to be able to stop wanting to cocoon them from danger. As I watched my son stride off all 6 foot and a bit into the airport this morning, all I could see is the little person that once held onto my finger as tight as he could so he wouldn't get lost in the crowds. Now he often wants to get lost in the crowd to avoid my over protective nature. I want my kids to be brave and ferocious as they tackle life but I don't want them to be bruised or bumped in any way. See this definitely is my contradictory tale today.

I wonder what is best - to not have too much to love or to have so much to love it is unbearable. Sometimes my heart is so weighted with all the people I have to care about and worry for that I'm not sure I can carry it with me. My heart aches today and it will tomorrow and will I assume continue to do for as far and as long as I live with these people in my world. I want their happiness more than I want mine which sometimes can be the problem. I need to be happy too. I need to remember why I should be happy.

I wrote today about Gerberas on my post on facebook - they are the most cheerful flower. They make me smile and feel happy. So I am going to develop a gerbera personality - open, colourful, present. Today is another day, another opportunity to walk, breath and love.